Happy Independence Day Everyone! I know I'm 2 days early for that, but I probably won't blog on the 4th. To celebrate:
On a related note, I want someone to run a Dungeons and Dragons game and let me play this as my character!
Okay, moving on.....
The last few months have been crazy. My grandma passed away, which resulted in a large family get together. I live in the south, so this is what happens for every wedding and funeral. You meet cousins, aunts, and uncles that you forgot you had. As part of the family get together, my brother and his family flew back stateside. He is stationed in Japan. After visiting with them I got super excited about Japan again. I have always wanted to go, but it just hasn't worked out. Well, my husband and I decided that it was now or never. We have a free place to stay and someone who can show us around. We are going to Japan in December! Hooray!!!!
I wish it had been as easy as booking tickets and saying lets go, but it wasn't. The Japan trip planning has definitely contributed to the activity of the last few months. Two round trip tickets to Japan cost about $5000. With our current jobs and expenses, there is no way we could have saved enough money in time, so I decided to get a second job. I'm walking dogs at a vet clinic I worked at in college. The work isn't bad, but I don't get weekends. In fact, this is my first day off in 18 days! I'm exhausted and often say that I'm too old for this.
We actually ended up being quite lucky with the tickets. My husband's father travels for work and had a lot of sky miles saved up. He gifted us the tickets via sky miles. We did end up having to pay for some of it, but no where close to $5000. Now we have a trip to Japan with super cheap tickets and a free place to stay. We could not be luckier. Lot's of thanks to the people in our lives that made this possible.
I'm keeping the second job through August, because I told them I would help through the summer. It is nice having the extra income too. Most of it goes to savings or paying off debt, but there is nothing better than getting out of debt faster. However, having two jobs is extremely stressful. I feel like I'm missing out on a lot of my life. Working one full time job means that most of my non-work life is relegated to the weekends. Working on weekends means that most of my life is work life. Have you heard the term work-life balance? Yea, I don't have that.
I would like to blame the no work-life balance on what's been going on with me fitness wise, but I don't think I can. It certainly doesn't help, but it isn't the main driver. I started this blog to track my fitness progress and any ups/downs that occurred with that. I think the months without posts show the downs pretty well..... Seriously though, I go through months of being super motivated and months of just wanting to lay on the couch eating cookies. During the super motivated months, I lose weight; I work out; I feel good about life in general. During the non-motivated months I gain weight; I don't work out; and I sometimes feel good and sometimes don't. Recently I have had a huge issue with body image and anxiety. This is something I have struggled with my entire life, but lately it has been much worse than I remember.
I'm trying to work past it, but it makes getting motivated very hard. The anxiety portion of it makes me afraid to focus too much on working out and eating healthy because of the possibility of obsession followed by self hatred. The inner dialogue goes something like this: " You must work out, and eat only healthy foods. Okay, I got this. Oh no! I ate ice cream! You piece of S***, how dare you eat ice cream?! You must work twice as hard and eat even less because you had ice cream one day." I then do just that, and eventually burn out because I'm hungry and not getting to eat any food that I enjoy. Then I hit the F*** it mode. I eat whatever I feel like eating, when I feel like eating. I don't work out, and sometimes I feel okay with this and other times I feel crappy.
That is where I'm currently at is the sometimes okay and sometimes crappy. I have tried weight watchers, lose it, and a few other programs and I have found they both work, so long as you are able to stick with me. I have not found a program yet that gets me past my own inner issues with weight loss and body image. I have not found a therapy program that helps with this yet either. So now I'm in this weird limbo of trying to find what works for me in the long-term. I honestly don't know what that is.
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| Picture taken from: http://knowyourmeme.com/photos/588543-america-fuck-yeah |
Okay, moving on.....
The last few months have been crazy. My grandma passed away, which resulted in a large family get together. I live in the south, so this is what happens for every wedding and funeral. You meet cousins, aunts, and uncles that you forgot you had. As part of the family get together, my brother and his family flew back stateside. He is stationed in Japan. After visiting with them I got super excited about Japan again. I have always wanted to go, but it just hasn't worked out. Well, my husband and I decided that it was now or never. We have a free place to stay and someone who can show us around. We are going to Japan in December! Hooray!!!!
I wish it had been as easy as booking tickets and saying lets go, but it wasn't. The Japan trip planning has definitely contributed to the activity of the last few months. Two round trip tickets to Japan cost about $5000. With our current jobs and expenses, there is no way we could have saved enough money in time, so I decided to get a second job. I'm walking dogs at a vet clinic I worked at in college. The work isn't bad, but I don't get weekends. In fact, this is my first day off in 18 days! I'm exhausted and often say that I'm too old for this.
We actually ended up being quite lucky with the tickets. My husband's father travels for work and had a lot of sky miles saved up. He gifted us the tickets via sky miles. We did end up having to pay for some of it, but no where close to $5000. Now we have a trip to Japan with super cheap tickets and a free place to stay. We could not be luckier. Lot's of thanks to the people in our lives that made this possible.
I'm keeping the second job through August, because I told them I would help through the summer. It is nice having the extra income too. Most of it goes to savings or paying off debt, but there is nothing better than getting out of debt faster. However, having two jobs is extremely stressful. I feel like I'm missing out on a lot of my life. Working one full time job means that most of my non-work life is relegated to the weekends. Working on weekends means that most of my life is work life. Have you heard the term work-life balance? Yea, I don't have that.
I would like to blame the no work-life balance on what's been going on with me fitness wise, but I don't think I can. It certainly doesn't help, but it isn't the main driver. I started this blog to track my fitness progress and any ups/downs that occurred with that. I think the months without posts show the downs pretty well..... Seriously though, I go through months of being super motivated and months of just wanting to lay on the couch eating cookies. During the super motivated months, I lose weight; I work out; I feel good about life in general. During the non-motivated months I gain weight; I don't work out; and I sometimes feel good and sometimes don't. Recently I have had a huge issue with body image and anxiety. This is something I have struggled with my entire life, but lately it has been much worse than I remember.
I'm trying to work past it, but it makes getting motivated very hard. The anxiety portion of it makes me afraid to focus too much on working out and eating healthy because of the possibility of obsession followed by self hatred. The inner dialogue goes something like this: " You must work out, and eat only healthy foods. Okay, I got this. Oh no! I ate ice cream! You piece of S***, how dare you eat ice cream?! You must work twice as hard and eat even less because you had ice cream one day." I then do just that, and eventually burn out because I'm hungry and not getting to eat any food that I enjoy. Then I hit the F*** it mode. I eat whatever I feel like eating, when I feel like eating. I don't work out, and sometimes I feel okay with this and other times I feel crappy.
That is where I'm currently at is the sometimes okay and sometimes crappy. I have tried weight watchers, lose it, and a few other programs and I have found they both work, so long as you are able to stick with me. I have not found a program yet that gets me past my own inner issues with weight loss and body image. I have not found a therapy program that helps with this yet either. So now I'm in this weird limbo of trying to find what works for me in the long-term. I honestly don't know what that is.
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