Muscles, Mimosas, and Misery

I hit a low point this month.  I'm not sure what triggered it, but I had a depression surge.  In the past I have struggled with depression, but it has been a few years since I've had a bad bout of it.  The last therapist I went to helped tremendously and I learned fantastic coping mechanisms that helped take the power out of it.  This time, it latched onto something new.  Its something that has always been there, but the depression monster had never taken it on before.  This time my body image came into the path of the depression. As I'm sure this blog can attest to, I haven't been a consistent dieter.  I would be good for a 1-3 weeks then stop for 1-3 weeks.  Rinse repeat forever.  I fell off the health train again and this entire week my depression has been relentless over it.  I've had the following thoughts replaying through my head repeatedly: "You're fat and disgusting.  You look like a fat troll.  You are a fat troll w...

I talked about The Hungry in my last post.  Due to having The Hungry last week, this week is going to be hard.  I feel like I am starting over again; which, in a way, I am.  I don't have significant weight loss from week to week so anytime I go off track I either gain it back or if I'm lucky I will maintain.  I'm not going to weigh myself tomorrow.  I will wait until August to do it.  I am giving myself more time to lose weight and adjust to eating more healthy and less calories.  Earlier tonight I was pretty frustrated because if I was able to run I would have almost zero consequences for eating how I did this week.  Unfortunately I am still unable to run due to my knee condition.  My knee has improved so I have hope that I will be able to run again, but waiting is awful!  I hate being injured!  However, improvement is improvement and I will take what I can get.  I was able to go for a walk tonight (almost 1 mile!) and my ...