I've been wanting to write for a while, but just journaling hasn't felt right. This seemed like the best blog given the subject matter I have been mulling over in my head. My life has changed a lot over the last few years. I graduated college; got a job, and am getting married. The back injury took years to fully recover. I now have illiotibial band syndrome, but this should be getting better with some physical therapy. I know for a long time I have had body image issues. I looked through some old photos on facebook and found one of me when I was TINY. It was probably at the peak of my physical health. I probably weighed 125-130 pounds. Anyways, I remember duct taping my stomach down when I first tried that dress on. Really?!
Now, 30 pounds later I still feel that same way. I feel very uncomfortable in my body. I keep thinking about losing weight, but then I don't. I don't have the right motivation. The only reason I really want to lose weight is to look good and be attractive. However, based on my past mindset (125 pounds and taping down my stomach) I doubt that any amount of weight loss will do that for me. Then I think about just trying to be healthy. Its a great idea in theory; until I get home from a long day and haven't been to the grocery store and there is frozen pizza. Game. Set. Match. TV and frozen pizza win every time. There is another part of it also. I really enjoy eating delicious food, drinking delicious drinks, and watching television. I never thought I would be that person, but I am!
Surprisingly enough through all this I think I'm doing better mentally than I ever have before. I still have bouts of depression and mania, but its way better than it has been. I have to say I have been in a down swing for a while now. I keep thinking about doing something crazy, but I just can't muster up the funds or the will to do it. The responsible adult in me is taking control!
I don't know if I have any goals right now as far as health goes. I want to eat healthy, but lets face it, that's hard to do. It takes time and planning. I admire those who can do it. Whenever I try to plan out a week's worth of meals I get to Wednesday and can't think of anything else to eat, and I definitely don't have enough free time to go to the grocery store twice a week. I don't know what I'm going to do. I just wanted to get all that off my chest..\
Now, 30 pounds later I still feel that same way. I feel very uncomfortable in my body. I keep thinking about losing weight, but then I don't. I don't have the right motivation. The only reason I really want to lose weight is to look good and be attractive. However, based on my past mindset (125 pounds and taping down my stomach) I doubt that any amount of weight loss will do that for me. Then I think about just trying to be healthy. Its a great idea in theory; until I get home from a long day and haven't been to the grocery store and there is frozen pizza. Game. Set. Match. TV and frozen pizza win every time. There is another part of it also. I really enjoy eating delicious food, drinking delicious drinks, and watching television. I never thought I would be that person, but I am!
Surprisingly enough through all this I think I'm doing better mentally than I ever have before. I still have bouts of depression and mania, but its way better than it has been. I have to say I have been in a down swing for a while now. I keep thinking about doing something crazy, but I just can't muster up the funds or the will to do it. The responsible adult in me is taking control!
I don't know if I have any goals right now as far as health goes. I want to eat healthy, but lets face it, that's hard to do. It takes time and planning. I admire those who can do it. Whenever I try to plan out a week's worth of meals I get to Wednesday and can't think of anything else to eat, and I definitely don't have enough free time to go to the grocery store twice a week. I don't know what I'm going to do. I just wanted to get all that off my chest..\
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