Muscles, Mimosas, and Misery

It has been a while since I have posted anything.  I'm not a very good blogger, so I guess its a good thing that I don't have any followers.  Since I last posted we have moved into a new house, gone through the holidays, took a week long vacation, returned to work, and I start classes tomorrow.  All in all, not that much going on.  2016 should prove to be an interesting year. I don't make New Year's Resolutions anymore.  I find that I never stick to them.  However, it is a nice time to reflect on your life.  I haven't had much time for reflecting, but now is a good time to do it.  I realize I have come a long way in the game of life.  I went to yoga yesterday in a studio where I used to go to therapy.  It was pretty interesting being there.  I faced many of my inner demons in that room.  It actually put into perspective how far I've come.  When I ended my sessions there, I had created a valued life plan, but since that t...

I've decided to try my own little experiment.  I signed up for weight watchers about 3 weeks ago.  I lost 2 pounds the first week and have slowly gained a little back each week.  I dug into the program a little more and this is what I found: If I eat only my daily points plus I am coming in under 1200 calories.  This is medically unhealthy.  When I mentioned this to one of the weight watchers coaches, their response was, "We track points not calories"  Well yes, this is correct, but it doesn't change the fact that you are recommending for people to eat below their medically healthy calories.  For the next week I am planning on tracking both weight watchers and Lose It!  As of now, my 500 calorie breakfast consumed nearly half of my points plus values.  It was not an unhealthy breakfast.  I had turkey bacon, 3 eggs, spinach, an English muffin, and cranberry relish.  I feel satisfied and full.  Weight watchers would recommend I...

I hit a low point this month.  I'm not sure what triggered it, but I had a depression surge.  In the past I have struggled with depression, but it has been a few years since I've had a bad bout of it.  The last therapist I went to helped tremendously and I learned fantastic coping mechanisms that helped take the power out of it.  This time, it latched onto something new.  Its something that has always been there, but the depression monster had never taken it on before.  This time my body image came into the path of the depression. As I'm sure this blog can attest to, I haven't been a consistent dieter.  I would be good for a 1-3 weeks then stop for 1-3 weeks.  Rinse repeat forever.  I fell off the health train again and this entire week my depression has been relentless over it.  I've had the following thoughts replaying through my head repeatedly: "You're fat and disgusting.  You look like a fat troll.  You are a fat troll w...

I'm feeling pretty down in the dumps today.  We had some friends over, but as soon as they left this morning I started feeling depressed and mopey.  I wanted to go do something today, but my husband woke up and started playing video games right away.  I keep thinking about the things I used to do and then I think about how my knee will hurt if I do them.  Its one of those frustrating days.  Why can't I just go for an eight mile hike?  Whats the problem with it?  I've been eating a lot of junk so I'm feeling a little sick to my stomach on top of it.  I think about getting up to work out, but then I feel pukey and don't want to.  I keep trying to convince myself that  if I just explore Gainesville I will find the things I need to be happy here, but the longer I live here the less that seems likely.  Its just too small town here.  It remind me a lot of Fitzgerald.  Everyone knows everyone and there just isn't anything excit...

Being an adult is hard.  I find that most days I feel unsatisfied with my life.  I often think back to being in my early twenties and romanticize the time.  Logically I know I was horribly depressed through most of it, but I still find myself longing for the days.  I have a good life now, but sometimes its hard to see because I get so bogged down in the day-to-day.  Partially that is because I have let what is important slip away for what is easy. I miss the how busy I stayed.  I miss how social I was.  At one point when I was therapy, I created a life goal plan.  I'm not sure if that is the actual name of it.  Basically, I listed things that were important and why they were important and then I listed how I would achieve those things on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis.  I may find that useful to do again, but that is not what I am doing today. Most days I come home and immediately turn on the tv.  I watch a few hours of TV a...

I always have so much in my head that I never know where to start.  I do know I have a pattern of saying I fell off my diet and now I'm back.  Its true every time too!  I always feel pretty bad about it too.  Honestly, I'm human and I'm a pretty average human at that.  Eating healthy is hard and making time to exercise is hard.  Losing weight is hard.  I know I'm not going to be perfect all the time, and that's okay.  I think if I can start being on my healthy eating kicks for longer between my diet collapse I will have made progress.  The fact that I'm still interested in doing it and still interested in working out is progress.  I'm proud of myself for continuing to do this even though I'm not seeing results on the scale.  I am feeling the results.  When I first started I struggled to get through 10 biceps curls with 10 pound weights, and now they are easier.  I'm not quite ready to up weight or repetition, but there has...

This is an exciting post for me.  First and the most exciting: I RAN!!!!  I didn't run for long or hard, but I did run.  There is a park not too far from my house, so I decided it was time to try it.  I put on my knee brace, leashed one of my dogs, and I went.  I walked for the first few minutes and then I got a nice jog pace going.  I switched off between jogging and walking.  I didn't really time the intervals I just went until I got too tired/out-of-breath/sore to keep running and then I switched to walking.  And it was wonderful!  Of course, I had to measure it because sometimes they day of isn't the problem and it is the day after that causes the pain.  Fortunately for me I had no real pain on either day. Today I finally decided to try yoga.  I had done yoga once before but came home with a herniated disc, so I wasn't fan.  Several of the doctors recommended yoga, so I tried it.  The teacher was great.  She was...